Back Where They Belong

I guess it’s a good news, bad news situation.  I’m almost always violently opposed to mega-mergers.  Especially when they involve media companies.  Consolidating media outlets means that our access to information gets choked even more than it already is.  Soon we will wind up with only a few billionaires deciding what thoughts and opinions are worthy of airtime.  When that happens, we are fucked.

Cognizant of the dystopian future we are slouching towards, I must admit I am doing (figurative) handsprings over the news that Disney has gobbled up Fox.  At long last, our national nightmare is over.  There is light on the horizon.  Fans everywhere are rejoicing in the knowledge that Keven Feige will be here soon to save us from any more shitty X-Men movies.

No longer will we have to put up with tortured, nonsensical timelines.  No more will Wolverine look down on us from a towering height of 6’2”.  No more will grotesquely miscast actresses take top billing in films just because they look good painted blue.  And, gods willing, there will be no more attempts by ABC to foist godawful, vulture tripe stinking iterations of the Inhumans on us just because they can’t use the word “mutant” on Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D..

It makes the ganglia twitch.

While everyone else does their happy dance over the return of the Children of the Atom, I have something else to celebrate.  After long years of waiting, and several painful and embarrassing false starts, we may finally see a truly Fantastic Four on the big screen.  O frabjous day! Callooh! Callay!

Might I suggest, after so many failed outings, that we just skip the seemingly obligatory origin film?  Why not have Reed and Sue show up as background characters in other Marvel films at first.  Perhaps as experts called in to deal with some sciencey thing.  There could even be tension as Bruce Banner, Tony Stark and Hank Pym have to deal with the possibility that this Richards kid is smarter than all of them.  Of course, Reed could be accompanied by his bodyguard/test pilot/best friend Ben Grimm.  We could get to know them before they all become fantastic.  Their transformation could even happen off camera.  One of Marvel’s established characters could break the news that the Richards team has suffered a tragic accident.  Pathos.  Sigh.

Don’t pretend you don’t want to see this.

I’m just throwing that out there.  I’m sure most people are more excited about the prospect of X-Men vs Avengers or even Wolverine vs Hulk.  But I really want to see a decent Fantastic Four film.  Stan Lee is in his 90’s and he deserves to see this too.  The FF is where it all began for The House of Ideas.  Please, Disney, do it and do it right.

And, for fuck’s sake, this time let Ben Grimm sound like he’s from Yancy Street, not Scotland.

R T Kraken!

Prior to becoming a professional curmudgeon and the Scourge of the Northern seas, R.T. Kraken worked as an artist and a photographer. He has been an avid comic book fan since he was spawned as well as an insufferable know-it-all.
He also sings for the Supra-70s band, RIFLE.
Dig it.

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