Arrow: Season 4 is Pretty Damn Good. But I’m Still Gonna Nitpick it. ‘Cause I’m a Jerk.

This is a very tender subject.  Very tender, indeed.  How to say all of this without being a dick?  See, it borders on body shaming and that is an ugly fucking place I never want to go.  Especially here where I might accidentally influence somebody in a negative way (Yes, I’m vain enough to think that might happen).  But I’ve got to mention this.

Stephen Amell is built like a brick shit house.  It’s no secret.  The show’s creators go to great lengths to get his shirt off and remind you.  He’s a convincing superhero and looks great in the Green Arrow togs.   David Ramsey/John Diggle is also no stranger to the gym.   Emily Bett Rickards is also oddly toned for computer whiz Felicity Smoak.  But after that, things  get a little soft.


If Warner's doesn't put this guy in a DC film Disney is going to snap him up for a Marvel role. Watch and see.
If Warner’s doesn’t put this guy in a DC film Disney is going to snap him up for a Marvel role. Watch and see.

Katie Cassidy/Laurel Lance obviously works out.  I’m pretty sure she does enough cardio to kill most of us.  She’s very convincing as a driven district attorney.  However, she is also the Black Canary.  Now, in the comics, Black Canary has very well-developed legs.  You know, for kicking bad guy’s skulls in.  She is Short, thick and powerfully built.  Cassidy, on the other hand, is best described as willowy.  She’s graceful, lean and lissome.  And it’s just about impossible to believe that she can generate enough force to deliver the devastating blows that she supposedly dishes out to large, thuggish men on a regular basis.  Please understand, I am not criticizing Katie Cassidy or her body.  I’m just saying she doesn’t look strong enough to beat up a large man, especially with the short amount of training her character has put in.

I love ’em, but they don’t scare me.

Things get even worse if you try to take Willa Holland seriously.  Willa plays Thea Queen/Speedy.  Thea has  had training from her father, Malcolm Merlyn, so we are supposed to believe her as a world-class killing machine.  Except she only trained with Merlyn for a few months…6 at the very most.  Yet now she can go toe to toe with members of The League of Assassins?  I’m sorry but that’s just insulting to real practioners of martial arts.  Nobody gets that good that fast.  I don’t care if you’re training with Merlyn, Ra’s al Ghul, Batman  or Mr. Miaygi.  Additionally, Willa Holland is tiny.  Like pixie small.  Really, she’s adorable.  She looks like she ought to be sitting on a toadstool in Narnia giving out wishes.   If anybody reboots Peter Pan for the millionth time I nominate her for the role of Tinkerbelle.  She’s cute as a bug’s ear and a wonderful actress.  But it really strains credibility to see her tossing big blokes about.

Obviously, they can’t recast the whole show.  They have a great cast.  They just need bigger thighs.  They could do a few push ups too, while they are at it.  Well, obviously, Katie Cassidy doesn’t have to worry about it, she has moved on, but Willa Holland needs to eat some more eggs and swing that kettle ball around.  Or, they could just hire smaller actors to play the bad guys.

Or I could just quit pissing and moaning about such a trivial bit of nonsense.  Really, is this the best thing I could find to complain about?  Well, pretty much.  Arrow: Season 4 has been really enjoyable and there have been few things to complain about.  We’ve had a decent villain in Damien Darhk/Neal McDonough and some really decent action sequences.  We’ve had good drama for once instead of a bunch of annoying soap opera drivel.  Well, OK, we had soap opera drivel too (Oliver’s secret love child), but not as much as usual.  And it looks like we are going to get a really action packed finale with nukes and magic and arrows and punching!

Yeah, I totally believe she works on computers all day.
Yeah, I totally believe she works on computers all day.

On the down side, Darhk’s master plan has been seen a million times before.  And it was kind of dumb the million times.  Also, I don’t know about you but I am really, really (really, really, really) tired of going back to the fucking island.  Criminy, enough with the fucking island!  Let it go, already.  It’s dull.  It slows down the show and it strains credibility to the breaking point.

Speaking of strained credibility, the whole secret town built under Star City is really hard to buy into.  Especially when you throw in the invisible force-field.  That’s quite an undertaking (see what I did there?).   In all the time that Felicity has been searching for Darhk’s hideout, how did she never notice the enormous power drain needed to run an entire subdivision and a giant force-dome?  I guess she had too much on her plate what with getting paralyzed and then getting a miracle cure (and then walking away without even a wobble.  Jeez, that was weird, huh?).  Speaking of miracle cures, did Merlyn really need to get a prosthetic hand just like the nifty one that Coulson got on Marvel’s Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D?

Lastly, did the show really need to stop in the middle just to launch DC’s Legends of Tomorrow?  Everything just kind of ground to a halt to get that winged (and terribly miscast) turd off the ground.  Still, it got the CW’s horrible iteration of Ray Palmer off Arrow so I guess that’s one in the win column.

There it is.  Season 4 is just about to wrap up.  I had a few complaints but nothing of real substance.  This has really been the best season of Arrow, thus far.  Yeah, yeah, I know you liked Season 2 but I think this one wins out…just barely.

R T Kraken!

Prior to becoming a professional curmudgeon and the Scourge of the Northern seas, R.T. Kraken worked as an artist and a photographer. He has been an avid comic book fan since he was spawned as well as an insufferable know-it-all.
He also sings for the Supra-70s band, RIFLE.
Dig it.

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